Magical Madness
by Tintenschwert
Summary: One day Marik and Bakura received an invitation to a magical tournament. They decided to play along.HP YGO Xover The madness continues, now even international Beware!
1. Introduction or the start of the end

Introduction

Disclaimer: not mine. promise.

Summary: Just your average HP-YGO-Xover fic... haha, fooled you. This is gonna be anything but average

Background: you know, usual stuff, yamis got their own bodies, bakura is the evil one, marik the evil one, malik and ryou the good ones

Bakura, Ryou, Marik and Malik were sitting in their living room. Just for explanation: Marik and Bakura decided to move together because of their mutual habits: staying up long, teasing the pharaoh, getting up late, tormenting people, splatter movies, trying to take over the world, their odd fascination with medieval tormenting instruments, their dislike of the color pink and last but not least make life a living hell for all people around them. And their hikaris decided to move in, too, to put at least _some_ kind of barrier between them and the rest of the environment. (But until now their greatest success was hiding their car keys from them...for 15 minutes, because Bakura found them in the cookie jar.)

Right now they had something like a cease of fire. For example, the two yamis wouldn´t make any trouble as long as the hikaris were in school; they used to be still asleep at that time. And Ryou and Malik vowed by their lives never to touch Marik´s dagger collection. He was kind of obsessed with sharp, shiny objects. Kind of a magpie. Bakura was more into more precious things; jewelry and stuff. What was to expect from someone who had done exactly this for all his life, then in his "shadow period" and was currently perfectioning his skills in the present. He could sneak into Fort Knox like nothing, but he said that plain gold was dull and that he was looking for more exciting stuff. Even if that meant breaking into a museum and stealing paintings for example. Even Marik didn´t understoood how he managed to get his hands on the "Scream", but well...he did somehow.

Isis sent Marik to anger management classes; he went there three times a week until he got bored and ate the teacher. And slaughtered most of his fellow students. But ces´t la vié. Yeah, you´re right, the two yamis actually did something cultural. Marik had a advanced mathematics study course sent to their house on each tuesday. He was really talented with numbers. (Well, he actually said: "Mathematics is a logic invented by humans. Guess what I could do." Insert a maniac grin here and you have an impression)

Last fall he went to Domino University for the "Try-Out for Mathematic Students" He scribbled something on the blackboard (some numbers, equations and mathematic "puns") and so logically and mathematically proved that mathematic is illogical. He made three professors cry that day. (And sent two others to an insane asylum as well as giving the headmaster a minor heart attack)

Bakura was more talented with languages. And he was eager to learn more. He could now insult people in over 30 different languages, had mastered several dialects and could curse in 56 languages. (He could speak normal in those languages as well, but " yelling insults at people, and being unable to getting blamed because they didn´t understand the words is so fing awesome!") And just in case someone understood what he was saying he refreshed his egyptian and even learned several dead languages.

They even managed to get along with the pharaoh. Which meant if they stayed away from his pathetic little friends they were free to do (almost) everything they want. And, on a rare case of (something a bit of alike) mercy, they made themselves hobbies. Because their hikaris´ pleading was starting to unnerv them. And to show to the world that they could be annoying at everyday tasks.

Bakura had gotten into music. It was a common sight: Bakura, in a smoking at the opera; on a heavy metal concert, on a dance festival (he mastered that Lord-of-the-Dance moves, just to prove to the pharaoh that the great king of thieves way way more talented that the stupid dwarf who called himself pharaoh) or in a musical. He really liked musicals. After watching "Phantom of the Opera" he snuck into a church and taught himself how to play the organ. And currently he was busy of learning all of the "Elisabeth"lyrics by heart. Just to sing them very loudly at midnight. Or 2 am. Or whenever it was embarassing for the people surrounding him.

(Strange thing that he was really good at it: he even played once in a musical: he played a vampire count in "Dance of the Vampires". After the first night he noticed that he was able to produce that sound that made glass shatter. And he liked that ability very much. Resulting in their shortage of glasses. Ryou was so tired of always having to buy new ones that he just decided to use plastic ones instead. Marik tried to smash them. And it didn´t work. They bounced up from the floor, no matter how hard he smashed them down. In the end he simply stomped on them.)

Marik himself had gotten somehow to the internet. Malik was shocked by the fact that Marik could use something technically developed as a computer. The Pharaoh nearly burned down the Game Shop by trying to make some toast. Or what happened when he used the microwave...no, don´t think of that. Marik was often seen in online chatrooms, with nicks as "The Mad Hatter-just without the hat" or "Best friend of the guys with the strange jackets" or just "Psycho 264". No one knew for what the 264 actually stood, but instead of hearing a Marik-ish answer everyone preferred ignorance. There was a report of some suicides with a strange connection to online chat rooms, but Marik simply grinned to that fact and moved on with whatever he was doing before.

So the four of them lived their lives, until one day when something came into their house noone expected...

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Author´s babbling: I hate math and don´t understand anything; but I love musicals. Especially "Dance of the Vampires" and "Elisabeth". (If I´m going to use lyrics from songs from those musicals, please notice that they´re self-translated. Don´t sue me. Or else I give Marik your address and tell him you hid his pills.


	2. An owl and some strange old man

**An owl and some strange old man**

Disclaimer: still not mine.

There he was. Alone, innocent (alright, bloody _not _innocent, but at least as innocent as he could be) and thinking of nothing evil (as long as you say ,plans of making the stupid Pharaoh suffer are not considered as evil)when that thing hit him. What was that anyway. Shoud he try to eat it? Or set it aflame? Or perhaps a combination of both... The door was opened. In there stapped Bakura. On his head his huge earphones that told the world "Disturb me and your destiny is forfeit right now", dressed in his T-Shirt( with the nice phrase on the front "I´m shizophrenic", and on the back those two little words "Me too") and black jeans. "There´s a bird on your head." he stated. "I know that this thing is there, get it off me so I can have revenge!" Suddenly the look in Bakura´s eyes changed. Mischief was sparkling in those crimson orbs..."You remember that film from Alfred Hitchcock? That one with the birds go crazy?" he asked. A evil grin was plastered on Marik´s face. " Yeah, I do. Normally I´m not very fond of remakes, but now that you mention it...wouldn´t I make a great regisseur?"

Bakura took his earphones off; Marik could hear the fading sounds of one Elisabeth-Songs. A choir sung "All of you dance with the Death but no one like Elisabeth"

"Who the fuck is Elisabeth?" "The empress of Austria and Hungary, why you ask?" Silence. Crickets chirping could be heard. "Never mind."

"That´s an owl." Bakura said after he got that bird out of Marik´s (well, he called it so) hair. He held the bird by its claws. "Fucking great. An owl." Marik said. "How can you make an owl do..." but he was interrupted by a tug on his shirt. "There´s a letter attached to that bird´s leg." Marik considered it quickly...nope, no one of his online friends would send him message via owl...and he doubted it that they got bird-messenger-services at the asylum, or the hospital, or in jail...

"What does it say? It´s not from one of my stalkers? Is it? I bet it is.!"

To Mr Marik Ishtar and Mr unreadable-stain-where-my-first-name-belongs Bakura

The loft in domino

Japan

"Hey, go on, feel that!" Bakura seemed excited somehow. Marik shrugged and slid his fingers over the letter. "And?" he asked. "That is parchment. Really exquisite and really expensive material." If this were an US cartoon, there would have been Dollar-signs popping out of Bakura´s eyes. But since they were in Japan and Bakura consiered the dollar (and paper money in general) as weak currency, there would have been juwels popping out of his eyes...which would be ridiculous. But back to our two favourite yamis. "Is that green? Green blood? Blood from a leprechaun? Whose blood is this?" "Marik, that isn´t blood, it´s ink." "And how do you know?" "I licked it, no blood." "Oh." Tough argument. "And you´re definetely sure that this is no blood from..." "Yes, I am Marik." Marik quickly took a dagger from his pocket. "Let me open it, lemme open it!" Bakura nicked the dagger from Marik´s hands. "What did the psychiatrist tell us about sharp, pointy objects?" Marik reminisced. "Argh! Argh! Get it out of me?" "What she said before that." "This things are dangerous and shouldn´t be used by mentally unstable persons?" "Right. And?" "I don´t get it." "That´s _my _dagger you stupid moron." he knocked Marik with the handle over the head. "Don´t steal my stuff...or be at least not so easy caught. Here, hold that birdie while I´m opening this letter." "Hey!! I want to open it, rip it, tear it apart, make it suffer..." While Marik was drooling, Bakura opened the envelope and received several sheets of parchment. "Marik! Where is that bloody bird?!" Marik tried to do puppy eyes. "I dunno." "Don´t tell me that´s a feather hanging outside your mouth." "Alright, then I don´t say it." Bakura smashed his head on the wall. "How are we going to create a bird plague over domino without the damn bird?" "Oh. Didn´t thought about that. It flew away when I bit it. Hey! What´s with those papers? Burn them? Do we burn them? Flames and sparks, and fire and ember, and people screaming..." "Marik...you´re drooling again."

Each of the yamis grabbed a sheet of paper and started reading. "Dear Mister Ishtar/Bakura, we are pleased to inform you bla blabla, magic school, blablabla, hogwarts, yadda yadda yadda, trimagic tournament, blablabla, wizards blablaaaa sincerely dumbledore." "Yo Bakura, sounds fun, neh?" "...beating the crap out of foreign wizards, stealing magical items, make others look like complete idiots...sure, sounds fun."

"You don´t happen to have read a specific datum or something, do you?" Bakura asked. "Nope.Why?" "I just recalled having read something about right now" There was a pop and suddenly there was an old man standing in their living room. He had a long silvery beard and hair that stuck into his belt. He wore a purple robe and looked like "Saruman!" Bakura bolted upright. "That is so cool, I met Saruman. Saruman, Saruman" He danced happily round that strange guy. The guy smiled and waved slightly. "Apparently, I´m not Saruman. My name is" "I knew it! Hah! He´s Gandalf!"Now Marik danced around. He grabbed Gandalf´s (?) hand. "How was it to be dead? Killed by the Balrog? Fire and shadows, and death and corpses..." Bakura dragged Marik away "Never mind the drooling." he said to calm Saruman. "What I was trying to say was that" "Now, tell me...how did you made those Uruk-Hai? I want to try that sort of thing out tellme tellme tellme" Suddenly the wizard( he looked like one) seemed to grow, the area became darker, his voice turned lower and creepy when he said "Listen to me. I am" "Told you so! Gandalf!" Marik exclaimed happily.

The declared Gandalf whacked himself on his forehead. "Fine here you go. I´m Gandalf and I´m going to invite you to a schools for wizards where you can attend to a magical tournament and don´t get confused when the headmaster loks exactly like me. Right?" Both yamis nodded in unison. "Do we get to curse people? Ban people? Use shadow magic" Bakura clapped his hand over his own mouth. "Don´t tell me I just sounded like Marik." Gandalf rolled his eyes. "Then I suppose I´m not telling it. Anyway, are you ready to go? Flavoured bean anyone?"

Bakura fetched a suitcase from his room. "I´m ready." "Why do you have a fully packed ready-to-go suitcase in your room?" Bakura shrugged. "What´s wrong with being prepared? Remember last Halloween, when you made Malik go on sugar high?" Marik hesitated. "Yes?" he answered, not sure if he wanted to know what Bakura wanted to say. Said yami continued "I would have wished for that suitcase there." Gandalf pulled out a golden watch. "I just wanted to make sure you´re coming or not. On September 1st we will be in London, Kings Cross, platform 9 ¾" "Did he say _Kings_ Cross?!" Marik padded Gandalf on the shoulder. "Never mention "King" when he´s around. Stupid thing." Meanwhile Bakura was rambling about injustice, that damn king of games, his past life as king of thieves, how great it was, how much he hated the pharaoh, how much he wished the king of game and his friends dead, how...yaddayaddayadda. "Is he often like that?" asked Gandalf. Marik, who was absently minded chewing on a bloody thing replied "No, normally he would rush off now and try to humiliate one guy we know.Waaaait, isn´t today the 1st of..." Suddenly Bakura ran to his bedroom, muttering something about my-deck, That-dwarf-will-pay and god-save-the-king-cause-nobody-else-is-going-to. "If you speak of the devil..." Marik said. Bakura´s head appeared at the door. "Did you just mention Daddy?" "Everything´s fine, just keep on looking for your cards."

Gandalf searched his pockets. "Here are your train tickets. The train leaves at 1 pm. I´m taking you to the station, if that´s alright with you. Is it?" Marik nodded. "Sounds nice to me. Oh, but on second thought...is it an electrical train? I got an electric shock when I tried to eat the last one...I like those old steam locomotives...Is it one of those?" Dumbledore made up his mind. "On second thought, it´s better to go straight to the school if you don´t mind." "Alright with me." Marik loked slightly disappointed. But he shrugged and said it´s o.k. "Oy, Bakura?" The white-haired yami peaked out of his room "Waddya want?" "Gandalf said we´re leaving." "OK, jus wait a sec. I can´t decide which of my babies I should bring along." Marik rushed to his collection of daggers. He simply shoved all of them into a sports bag. "I have packed." he announced. Bakura came out of his room. He caressed a curved, silvery dagger. "Shhh, it´s alright, baby, I would have never let you here. You´re coming with me everywhere I go, we will always be together, sweet baby, sweet sweet baby...Whaddya lookin at?!" One of Bertie Bott´s Beans fell on the floor. Bakura grabbed a pen and scribbled something on the back of the parchment and lay it on the table. Both yamis lifted their bag/suitcase and faced Gandalf. Which held out an empty bottle. "That´s a portkey," he explained, "it will bring us to the place we need. You only have to touch it with one tip of your finger." The yamis placed their hands on that bottle. They were confronted with so many crazy stuff in their lifes/afterlifes that a stupid bottle-port-key was not even in the top 1000. "Ready-Steady-Go!" anounced Bakura when they were sucked to Hogwarts by the portkey.

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Beware it´s the author. It´s alive. And it can talk:

Whoa, Chapter 2 on. Damn I´m fast- review? anyone? You _do_ know that it´s in the stats how many people viewed/read this story? You know I can see you ... And I know bloody well that at least one person has viewed my story so far...so if you don´t want to receive eternal pain and suffer in the deepest ... (Marik! Waddya doin with my computer! Back off!) Eerie silence. Thanks for reading.


	3. The Sorting

**The Sorting**

Discaimer: Still not mine. If they were, I´d be Kazuki Takahashi. Means I would be a man in his 40s. Potteruniverse either not mine. Not interested in anymore since Sirius is dead. Warcraft also not mine. Pity. Various musicals not mine, too. I own a few soundtracks, does that count? Anyway, Lord of the Rings not mine either. ...gosh, that looks like it´s gonna be one story only consisting out of non-belonging-to-me thingies... Hey, they´re right!

They felt as their insides were sucked out. everything was spinning, and twisting and turning. "Hey Marik!", Bakura shouted, "Feels like home, neh?" "Bloody right!" the other yami shouted back. With a loud _THUD_ they landed on a stone floor. Marik face-first, Gandalf (?) on his pointed shoes and Bakura managed to appear somehow bended through the middle of his body.

( For the SC-Players among you, Voldo-style. I planned on posting a link here, but fanfiction doesn´t accept it, so imagine a circus and one of the snake´s people)

"Let´s do that again!" Marik said "You can count me in." Bakura replied. Gandalf waited until they stood upright again and led them to a little room next to a giant door. "Behind the big door is the Great Hall; in a few moments a teacher will come and tell you what awaits you here." With that words he left them standing there and disappeared. Bakura took a sheet of parchment from his pocket and started to read it. "What´s that?" Marik asked. (He was currently occupied with licking the walls to see if something would happen. Nothing particular did, except that one brick made an "EWWWWWWW!" sound.)

"That´s a list of things we need here. Cauldron, ingridients, robes, a wand, books..." "What was that in the middle?" "You mean robes?" "No, that afterwards." "Wands?" "Yeah, you think my rod counts as one? It has the same shape after all..." "Why not?" Marik nodded, but then stopped as he reminded something. "What about you? The ring doesn´t look like a wand, what are you gonna do? Kill some jerk and steal a wand? Oh yessss...suffer, sorrow, pain, torment, bloooooood..." "Marik, don´t drool on my sneakers, they´re new. I just stole them yesterday!" "Yeah right, ... pain and misery..." Bakura smirked.

"Don´t worry, I happen to have a rod." "Really? How?" "I once killed a necomancer and took his stuff, as well as taking his tower with me...pretty nice place. Sceletons, coffins, books with dark spells, stuff from inside of things, ...I even have those robes from back there...I wonder if you can wash blood stains out..." "As long as they´re not seaping through all of the garment, it should work. Trust me, I´m the master of bloody stains all over my clothes."

Then they heard footsteps approaching. A stern looking women with some quadratic-shaped glasses came, accompanied with little children, who looked quite soaked. She came closer to the two yamis. "I see you have arrived, I assume you are the two exchange students Professor Dumbledore spoke about. Well then, listen carefully for I am not going to tell the introductions twice." Marik exchanged looks with Bakura. His lips formed silent the words „Isis?" The former tomb robber shot a glance at the woman, then rolled his eyes inside his head ( he always did that when he was thinking about important stuff, causing people seeint him to scream like little girls and run for their lives) He nodded. The woman cleared her throat and began her speech:

" You have been sent to Hogwarts, the school for witchcraft and wizardry. You will be learning various aspects of magic here. You will be sorted into four houses, which will represent your family here." "When she means family like in the case, your father turns crazy, carves symbols on your back and tries to kill your brother, I´m done with that." Bakura padded his shoulder. "I understand what you mean. A pile of half-cooked corpses doesn´t make a great fanily either." Marik made an aha-sound. "That´s why you only eat rare meat and stuff." "No actually I eat rare things, because they still bleed and stuff."

"Would you two care and rejoin our little conversation?" "If you ask me, nope." The Isis II went slowly mad. "10 points...wait, you´re not even sorted yet." She massaged her temples. "To cut it short for you: Make stupid things, you lose points. Do good things, you get points. Savy?" Marik gave her one of his best (or most feared) smiles and hissed "Yes, precioussssssss." Right then Bakura whacked him on the back of his head. "What was that for?" Marik asked. "Nothing, I got bored." "Follow me!" the woman said. With the little children she stepped through the big door. The two yamis decided to follow her.

The Great Hall was ...huge. The ceiling looked like a stormy sky and there were candles everywhere illuminating four big tables, lots of students and one table with old people. "Look! There´s Gandalf!" Marik yelled through the hall and pointed to an old man who resembled their visitor from a few minutes ago. "That´s Professor Dumbledore." a girl with bushy hair, who sat next to the place they were standing, said. Bakura smacked Marik again. "Gandalf told us the headmaster looks exactly like him, don´t you remember?" "No, actually I can´t even remember what I had for breakfast today." "Because we didn´t have any and so you insisted on chewing on Malik´s clothes." Enlightment dawned behind Marik´s lilac eyes. "Riiiiiight..." Isis II carried a stool and on top an old hat. "The hat will sort you into houses. Just step forward, sit down and I will put the hat on."

She enrolled a large script and began reading out names. As time passed, more and more little soaked children stepped forward, sat on the stool, then the hat shouted some silly names and the children sat down on one of the four big tables.

Then the hat came to "Ishtar, Marik." Marik walked towards the hat (Anyone saw Mel Brook´s Robin Hood? "Walk this way!")He sat down as the stool were a throne and waited. Isis II placed the hat on his spiky hair. At least she tried because there was no way a hat would fit one Marik´s special haircut. In the end she simply dragged it down with all the violence she had. When it covered his eyes Marik could hear a voice. (Seperated from the others he was constantly hearing, like the imp from hell who told him to burn every house down, or Mary, Queen of Scots, who wanted revenge and told him to behead all of the people from England.) The voice babbled some words, then it collapsed and the hat screamed "AAAAAAAHHHH! Take me off, take me off, by the love of heaven and hell, get it off me!!!" It sounded terrified. More terrified than anyone in the whole scholl had ever heard. Including Harry Potter who witnessed the murder on his parents.

"Awww, come on. That´s pretty average when you try to look inside his mind. You learn to never do it again." All attention was focused on Bakura. "We get reactions like that all the time. You grow accustomed to it." While he was smirking one of his devilish smiles, all heads turned towards Dumbledore. "I guess it´s up to our guest to choose in which house he wants to go." All of the students looked at Marik. Marik was doing the face drift-off thing which made everyone turn to Dumbledore again. Who smiled absently minded. "Toffee anyone?" he asked. A loud whack-sound could be heard. Nearly everyone banged his head on the table. Bakura stormed forward. "I wanna be next, I wanna be next."

He ripped the hat off Marik and placed it on his own, wing-like hair. He also heard a voice babbling. But thanks to the voice of Great Master Zork in his head, he couldn´t undertsand it properly. He only managed to hear something like "eternal neverending darkness" "blood and death" and "shadows everywhere" (Which was the main thing the hat said) Isis II (Mc Gonnagal for those of you who haven´t guessed just yet) rushed and quickly took the poor hat away. Who was still mumbling about darkness, shadow, evil, ... and all the other stuff on Bakura´s mind. Marik stood up, spinned himself around till he was more than dizzy and stumbled over to a table. Sorting was done for him. "So Mr Ishtar chose Gryffindor I see." "Wait for me!" Bakura jumped towards Marik and landed on his lap. "Goal!" "And it seems like Mr Bakura is joining his friend. since that is made clear let me announce to you, that the Quidditch cup is not taking place this year..." Shocked- until malevolent reactions followed. "Whohooo!" Marik cheered. (Of course he didn´t know what quidditch was, but if all people think it´s great, it has to be stupid. Excerpt from Marik´s logical side.) "Instead there will be one Magical Tournament: the Pentamagic Tournament!" (for those of you without knowledge of greek numbers (like me) penta means 5. Just look at the penta-gon for example.) Dumbledore explained more stuff to the students, but the two yamis weren´t listening. Bakura was singing some musical stuff ( "We drink your blood and then we eat your soul, nothing´s gonna stop us...") Marik was looking at random students and likced his lips menacingly whenever they looked back. This was going to be one funny year.

Back in Japan, Malik and Ryou just got home from school. They immediately suspected something. They heard no noises, no crashes, the windows were still intact and ...that peace was creepy. The hikaris stormed inside. "Bakura, where are you?" "Marik, can you hear me? Are you two here?" No answers. Ryou decided to go for it. "Oh, look, there´s a dead bunny on the carpet." Nothig happened. "They´re not here." Malik said. "They aren´t even in town." Ryou replied. "There´s no way Bakura would have missed this." He discovered a piece of paper on the table. It said: " To the two pathetic weaklings. We´re off to a magic thingy. Touch my stuff and you will die, I hate you all, Bakura. PS: Marik greets you and advises you not to open the fridge." Ryou put the paper back. "Malik, do you know that scary feeling like someone´s dancing salsa on your grave in a swimsuit?" Malik nodded. Living with Marik was always good for many things, like this. "this is nothing compared to what that note tells me." Malik detcted something. He turned the note around. It was the backside of an letter, written with green ink, adressed to Mr Ishtar...

Author´s babbling:

Chapter 3...damn I´m usual not so fast...maybe it´s staying up till 4.30 am that boosts my creativity...bad thing I have to get up at 6 am for school...damn it!

Review – who needs those? I´m invincible! May the Lich King curse all flamers! There you got it!


	4. The very exiting journey to the Dorm

Disclaimer: not mine. Anyone else feels like "convincing" Takashi-sensei to handing over Bakura and Marik? To me, of course.Various musicals not mine. Warcraft not mine. Harry Potter not mine. ...to be quite frank, I don´t want the boy who lives...being more interested in his godfather.

edit: posting a better version--less mistakes...so I hope..

and a larger one will be posted in the original "Magical Madness"

/a shorter version will be posted..re-posted in "Magical Madness-it´s improved now, serious"

Knights from Monty Python´s Holy Grail: Get on with it!!

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After his speech Gandalf clapped his hands and plenty of food appeared on the tables. Everyone was busy grabbing what was near and shoving it in his/her mouth. "What is this strange, orange liquid?" asked Marik while examining a glass full of said stuff. "That´s pumpkin juice," said a little boy cheerily...obviously happy to encounter something normal about Marik, "it´s very good." Bakura´s head (which was occupied by slurping spaghetti) jerked upwards. "Jack?" he asked unbelievingly.

(A random gryffindor named Jack raised his head, curious what the silver-haired madman wanted of him...after he shot a glance at Bakura´s face he very quickly lowered his head again). Bakura sniffed. "Jacky..." Then he grabbed a knife. "Whoever touched the pumpkin king will die a very painful, horribly death. For hours and hours. Muahahaha" His eyes got that special madman-look...the "Look, James Bond. I have an atom bomb and will launch it at the moon and destroy earth while doing it. And you can´t stop me. Muahahha"-look.Then he used that knife to stab an innocent slice of pizza and ate it. While he was singing "La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la...everyone hail to the Pumpkin King..Here in Halloween..".No one tried to talk to them afterwards.

The rest of the feast was rather dull and nothing special happened. Except on Gryffindor table where Marik began to talk about rotten mummies, Bakura pouted because all meat was already cooked and cursed on egypt (which made all the juice turn into rat´s blood...unintentionally) and out of nowhere every Gryffindor had no appetite left. As soon as Bakura started talking about his Iron Maiden (and recognized, he forgot someone in her...a few years ago) and Marik requested a monkey´s brain on a golden plate, a few pupils turned green and left the hall.

Then the head pupils led them to the common rooms. Well, tried to. Marik convinced a first-year pupil that the walls in here were only an illusion and not real, which made the kid run into every (very solid, of rock consisting) wall in the whole castle. And no one seemed to notice that Bakura disappeared from time to time, popped out from random places, always with a very smug grin on his face. And a new dent in his bag pocket. After the (estimated) 27th time he whispered to Marik: „I got two messages, good one and a bad one. Which one first?" Marik pondered about which was better, if taking the bad one first meant he was an optimist for saving the good one (or wether the other message first meant that he was an optimist) then was reminded of a Greek philosopher, went through the most famous works of Aristoteles, the library of Alexandria and the last Indiana Jones movie before he answered. "Good one first." "O.K. Security here is a joke. I had more challenges back in Egypt when I was like six. I have access to every single room here in this castle if I want to. I was in Gandalf´s room to look if he has a palantir. He has none, only a strange bird that starts to burn if you look at it." "Ah," made Marik, "and the bad one?" "No gold, hidden treasures, magical doomsday devices...nothing really interesting. Nothing comparable to our items." Bakura sighed. Marik put his arm around Bakura´s shoulders. "Look at the bright side: We have plenty of defenseless lab rats here.And they have nothing to stop us." Bakura´s face lit up like the police station he set aflame last week. They marched on in blissful silence, both of them imagining new ways of torture and amusement. A dreamily expression was on both faces. Later on, Harry Potter could have sworn he heard the "Imperial March" from Star Wars back there, but no one could prove it.

The staircases was definetely an adventure. Marik had managed to fall down one when it was changing its direction. And it kinda snowballed. 14 kids tumbling down the stairs. Bakura received some strange looks when he evaded the trick steps like one of the older students, because there was no way he could have known where they were. Or even that they were there at all.

They even encountered Peeves. He tried to throw an armour after Marik. One second after that, Bakura took a lance and tossed it at Peeves´ head. It kinda got stuck...

After some time (actually three-times the span one would need normally) they reached the portrait of a obese woman in a pink dress.

"Boah, who´s that fat chick?" asked Marik. The Fat Lady was furious. "How could you..." she hissed. „Like this, Fat. Chick." "You...impertinent kid." Bakura raised one eyebrow. "Kid? You call that a curse? That´s not a curse..THATS a curse:" Various curses in Ancient Egypot followed, some in Persian and some from Europe,they would be usually displayed by a totenkopf, a spiral, a thundercloud complete with lightning(all comic style), but since that doesn´t work on fanfiction just imagine them.

_Totenkopf! Spiral! Jet black thunder cloud! Spiral! Threatening fist! Jolly Roger (pirate´s symbol)! Mad Totenkopf! _

The little kids were shocked. The head pupil had started to cry. Marik simply nodded to every word Bakura said. "Well" a girl explained, "that´s our secret entrance to our common room. Just say the password and you will be able to enter." Marik positioned himself in front of the portrait. "Oy, fat chick. Listen up!" he cleared his throat "THE PASSWORD!" nothing happened. „Hey, you said that I should say _the password_! Why didn´t it work?!" he demanded to know.

Bakura stepped at his side. He tilted his head and wispered "Memento mori." menacingly to the Fat Lady. Sesam opened up! It worked like a charm. A little first year girl whispered: "How did he do that?" Marik flashed her a smile. "Don´t ask, baby, you´ll sleep better if you don´t know." Synchronically everyone took a side step away from both. Then another one. "I call dibs on the best bed!" shouted Marik and rushed inside. "Come back here you _thundercloud+crossbones_!"

Hesitantly the students followed. By sheer luck the two yamis had found the right dorm room and occupied two beds. Well, their suitcases lay on the one, they were in the other and trying to shove the other out. "That´s mine!" "I was here first!!!" "But I dibbed it!" Bakura then simply bit Marik in his right lower arm. "Yikes!!! Let go, you man-eater!" "Whuhnu suuusuuuu" (Whiny sissy...try to say that with a mouthful of arm..still attached to someone) "Am not. Take your teeth out there!"

"Umm..." interrupted them a boy with an Irish accent. "Huh?" Marik looked up, his fist still connected to Bakura´s jaw, whose teeth were still in Marik´s arm and whose foot had left a black and blue foot-shaped mark on Marik´s chest. "They boys and I...we were just wondering what lessons do you have..to see if we some things in common." He tried to smile, but failed miserably. But if there was an olympic discipline for showing-teeth-while-looking-like-a-stuffed-puppy-that´s-going-to-get-eaten-by-an-alligator-and-a-rabid-werewolf, he would be a sure candidate for the gold medal. "Well, if you haven´t decided yet...what was that, Ron?" he exited the dorm room a bit too early to make that believable. But that had distracted Bakura long enough to let Marik´s arm a bit loose and Marik tore the pointy teeth finally from his flesh. Bakura fished the letter from his pocket (before he found it, he lay his trophies on a nearby table: a golden cup, some very distressed chess figures, various jewelry, someone´s wand, a veeeery pissed gnome, a heap of golden coins and a mouse.) He studied one parchment...

"Hmmm...we have to take that...that...I hate potions! If I want to kill someone (rather when) I´ll just stab him. Far easier and more fun..." "Or you could fry him, rip out his vitals and make a drum out of his skull" added Marik dreamily. "You mean what you did to the mail man?" "I didn´t fry him. That´s called flambeau-that´s french. Or belgian. Or ...what´s the little island near England?" "America?" "Nah...Norway!!!"

"Divination...predicting the future? ...if that means I can babble about eternal darkness, hell, the apocalypse, and this all the time..Hell-yeah! I take that." Bakura´s head was filled with pictures of his Dark Necrofear, an Ouija Board and terrified little children.

"Astrology? Pshew! If you blow one star apart, they cease to look _that_ interesting." (_We will miss you Epsilon XT -Gamma Epsilon)_

"Lemme see" Marik grabbed the parchment. "Care...magical..animals? If that´s NOT cooking classes I´m not interested!"

"What´s a quidditch?" Bakura asked. "Edible?" suggested Marik hopefully.

"Defence against the Dark Arts?"

Bakura burst into laughter. He laughed so hard that tears began to roll from his eyes down his cheeks. He laughed so loud that it made the glass tingle. He laughed so long until his stomach ached from it."...Defence? that´s so ridiculous..against? bwahahaha..I mean, you are a being created by Dark Arts...and I practically invented them!"

Marik pondered quickly. "Kura? Does that make you my Dad?"

author´s babbling: here you go with chapter three...as you can see they will be taking classes..Beware Teachers of Hogwarts, beware!

Yeah, I know it took me long to post it, but it is here nontheless.


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